Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
