My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
