Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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