I wish I could teleport
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
