Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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