Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
