the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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