That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
