I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
