Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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