Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
