I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
