I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
