I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
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Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
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Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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