it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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