hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
