Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize