At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
God, I missed his penis.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
