I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
