new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize