bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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