Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
