i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize