I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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