Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
