I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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