Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
