ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
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