You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
she pinky promised me she was 18
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
