I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
