when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
