I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
