she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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