it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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