Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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