My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
