did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Randomize
