I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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