Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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