I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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