i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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