Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
