I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
