so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
