spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
