I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
