just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
we're so committed to being not committed
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
