then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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