why didn't you poke me back
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i came on her dog
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
