I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
