You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
