people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
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then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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