I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
