I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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