what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
