My nipple is on Facebook.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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