Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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