I'm eating all of the evidence.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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