I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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