Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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