I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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