worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
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